Article published in Living Now Magazine - JULY 2009

It was a time in my life that was really hectic. I was studying and working in a business with my then husband and we had a little girl just one year old. My husband and I seemed to be in constant conflict and I was experiencing mild anxiety as well as high blood pressure and cholesterol. Life wasn’t too comfortable. Despite this I was a highly functioning, super independent woman.

My motto was just get on with it!

Until that is, I felt that I couldn’t. Something had to change so I decided to take myself off to a health retreat and ordered one of everything! Amongst that everything was something called Re-birthing. When it was described to me as a breathing process to access anything in the unconscious that was in the way of me having what I wanted in my life, I thought to myself I have much of what I want, especially my daughter, the light of my life, so what I want is just some peace, freedom from anxiety and peace with my husband.

As I lay down I was asked to close my eyes and breathe in a full and connected way. Almost instantly I got a sense of my daughter and my intense love for her. It was actually very overwhelming. Tears poured out as in that moment my whole body seemed to remember all that I had gone through to have her. Hers was a miraculous surrogate birth through my younger sister after years of being on the IVF program.

I came to realise how overwhelming it had been, the receiving of this gift of unconditional love and the enormity of it. It amazed me because this was the one thing I consciously believed I was absolutely ok with in my life. I very quickly made connections to receiving in other ways and ohhhhh conceiving (a connection that often happens now when working with women on fertility treatment)!

Being the eldest girl I had done a lot of taking care of and this pattern of thinking, that was how I mattered, had played out in my life and my body. I wasn’t comfortable or safe with receiving! It was that simple.

So began my journey with rebirthing, I didn’t stop and was later able to conceive the very first time I went again on IVF. My daughter is now nearly 22 years old, my son 18. - the joys of my life.

I realised that opening up to receiving whatever you want usually involves discovering and letting go of what is unconsciously in the way!!

Jonine Lee, is a Breathwork practitioner and trainer, President Australian Breathwork Association, and conducts regular workshops on Fertility, Self Esteem, Relationships and Family Constellations.